Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
