he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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