i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want her autograph on my taint
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
