thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
