Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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