I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
