my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
