With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
