She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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