he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
