I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
