i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry about my life...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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