saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
