i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
