New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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