I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
