i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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