Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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