My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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