So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
