So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need a beard to bite.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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