you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
