70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
