something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Green mimosas i think yes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
