he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
