Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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