The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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