shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
