trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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