well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
