The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
