She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
