brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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