I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are the jesus of drinking
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
