Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
