She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my poor anus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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