I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
