Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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