The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Can Purell be used as lube?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
