I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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