He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
