I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
