Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
