Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
