just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
