How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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