Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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