girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
