Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
