I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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