Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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