That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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