Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
