where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pooping to opera.
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