I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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