Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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