he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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