hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
