Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
